Has anybody else noticed that there seems to be a name for just about everything these days?

I mean, let's start with the ever so sensitive issue of personality disorders... Gone are the days of 'A**holes' and 'f*ckwits'. These days we have to dress them up in a pink and fluffy robe and refer to them as sufferers of one of the following:

Paranoid Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.... Suspected sufferers of every type are recommended to visit a doctor?

For Christ's sake... Look at the size of that list!!! Okay, so I'm not going to bore you to death with the symptoms of each; but hell... I'm near on certain I fall into every single category depending on the day of the week. For instance, catch me on a Monday morning and I'm a certain antisocial freak, barely capable of ordering a coffee. Friday evening, however. Well that's MY night! My inner narcissist screams 'I want to break free' and my naked body dances in tune as I strip off my shirt, swing it around and show the world who their daddy is! Oh yeah baby, it's me!

I don't know, perhaps there's a name for that also.... Perhaps I'm a jumbled-up fool who has 'Day Of The Week Disorder'. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm a human being and a category isn't necessary. Surely the only category I should really fear is prisoner over citizen! As long as I'm sensible enough to remain the latter, is a doctor really necessary!?! 

Then there's the bodily disorders and diseases... Hell, I'm going to sound cruel here... And I know. I absolutely know there are genuine rare cases of disorders. Please if you are one of those genuine sufferers, do not read on.

However, if you are that girl (or boy) that spends every night sprawled on the couch with a bottle of pop, an extra large kebab and a husband that provides you with an endless 5 star catering service, please, please do not tell me that you have an underactive thyroid! Mary, your poor f*cking thyroid is still balls deep in kebab! 

And what about gluten intolerance... Oh, come on! Gluten is a component of Wheat, which humans happen to have eaten for over 20,000 years. Yes, there are a very very minute number of people that can suffer serious effects from the ingestion of gluten! But for the rest of you, just be honest. You're a bit of a clown and you just love to be the awe inspiring health guru! Get a bloody grip Mary... You're missing out on Croissants!

But, above that comes the worst of all! My absolute pet hate. The condition that makes me want to bite a brick! And why? Because it involves the labelling of children, the most vulnerable members of our society. ADHD aka Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Once again, there are certainly cases... Real cases of children that without doubt are on a spectrum well beyond that of 99.9% of society. And for those, I sincerely wish them well and am aware that medical/social intervention is a requirement. To those parents, I truly do take my hat off. To a larger portion of society though, I dare to suggest that you merely have a dramatic, eccentric and beautiful child that will grow to be an absolute superstar! Hell, how do you think rock stars are made! 

Must we insist upon labels, names and categories for everything? Some things are just not worth labelling. Humans are complex. Certainly the most complex creature to roam Earth (although some days I'm not so sure.) It surely makes sense that all of our personalities, issues, thoughts and feelings are also complex. Different situations demand different actions, sometimes those actions are perceived as negative and often they are perceived as positive. I appeal to you all... In a world where everybody is trying to fit in, the coolest thing you can do is dare to be yourself... and please please please allow your children to do the same!